The Book Of Answers. 1996
Prior to all my medical adventures I had this startling dream which in retrospect I now know was a vision. Remember, this was years before my surgeries and hospitalizations.
I dreamt I was in a hospital bed on a empty lot in the Ghetto. As I awoke I noticed that the bed rails were raised, and protruding from hospital gown multiple IV's were stuck in my arms. I remember saying "what the fuck" and began ripping them out. As I started climbing out of bed I heard, "Hold On, Stay put." "I am going to read to you from the Book of Answers". I clearly remember saying to myself in the dream. "WOW this is going to be great, pay close attention."
And then this 12 foot angelic being glided, not walked, across the lot with this massive (like 3 feet wide) book in hand. She came to my bedside and started to open this huge book which was clearly titled The Book of Answers. "This is going to be so sweet so special." I remarked to myself ... and then I woke up.
_____________________
Before I tell you about the Barn and what we are trying to do here I am going to tell you more about myself and why the Barn is becoming my living book of answers.
I am not doing this for you to feel sorry for me as I truly feel blessed and well cared for, or to brag, but to substantiate who I am, what I said then, what I am saying now and the power of belief. My videos and film work, are a testament to my recovery and a record of what I have observed, what I said at the time, and what I am saying now. These experiences have become foundational constructs at the Barn and the power we all have not only to survive but too thrive.
From the moment I woke up and as the gravity of my situation became increasingly apparent, I never, even for a moment, believed that I would not be OK. I knew that all this suffering and challenge would end and that ultimately I would be fine. Not as who I used to be but as who I was becoming.
My story seems so incredibly relevant to the times we now face, that I feel compelled to share it. Hopefully it will help others to see that it is possible to become someone new. You can manifest a new you and a new world. We do not have to accept fear, war, lockdowns, economic slavery and endless Covid scandals as foregone occlusions. You can set new intentions, new manifestations for a new you and a new world and I am living proof of such.
I am not doing this for you to feel sorry for me as I truly feel blessed and well cared for, or to brag, but to substantiate who I am, what I said then, what I am saying now and the power of belief. My videos and film work, are a testament to my recovery and a record of what I have observed, what I said at the time, and what I am saying now. These experiences have become foundational constructs at the Barn and the power we all have not only to survive but too thrive.
From the moment I woke up and as the gravity of my situation became increasingly apparent, I never, even for a moment, believed that I would not be OK. I knew that all this suffering and challenge would end and that ultimately I would be fine. Not as who I used to be but as who I was becoming.
My story seems so incredibly relevant to the times we now face, that I feel compelled to share it. Hopefully it will help others to see that it is possible to become someone new. You can manifest a new you and a new world. We do not have to accept fear, war, lockdowns, economic slavery and endless Covid scandals as foregone occlusions. You can set new intentions, new manifestations for a new you and a new world and I am living proof of such.
I am almost embarrassed to recant my physical story as I have experienced so much. My medical records are over 4 feet high.
Many of you know I was diagnosed with a non malignant AVM (arteriovenous malformation) in 1997. It all started with severe and often incapacitating oral pain. I thought I had a toothache.
I then spent the next eighteen months having 3 teeth extracted, a root canal and experienced a dry socket. During this period I was placed on heavy doses of Tegretol to help control the pain. It was a powerful drug that required liver monitoring. I also had to have Novocain shots in my mouth so I could speak and continue running my business and making sales presentations. But the pain kept breaking through. Then one day while administering a shot to me, my dentist brushed my lip with his hand.
It sent a shock wave right to my ear. "Oh my God," he declared. You have Trigeminal Neuralgia. This condition, he went on to say,` is so painful that people would kill themselves vs dealing with the pain. "Great," I thought. I went to the American Association of Neurological Surgeons and he was right. TN was described there as perhaps "the most excruciating pain known to humanity." Soon after this discovery my liver started reacting to all the Tegretol meds so an MRI was scheduled.
In 2 minutes the atmosphere went from jokes and pleasant exchanges to dead silence. They would not tell me but I knew the MRI news was bad. Within an hour my neurologist called. You have a large AVM and I need to see you right away.
My AVM was placing pressure on my trigeminal nerve which was radiating pain into my jaw. It was large and was located in my brain stem which is a very dangerous place to be with sharp objects.
Many of you know I was diagnosed with a non malignant AVM (arteriovenous malformation) in 1997. It all started with severe and often incapacitating oral pain. I thought I had a toothache.
I then spent the next eighteen months having 3 teeth extracted, a root canal and experienced a dry socket. During this period I was placed on heavy doses of Tegretol to help control the pain. It was a powerful drug that required liver monitoring. I also had to have Novocain shots in my mouth so I could speak and continue running my business and making sales presentations. But the pain kept breaking through. Then one day while administering a shot to me, my dentist brushed my lip with his hand.
It sent a shock wave right to my ear. "Oh my God," he declared. You have Trigeminal Neuralgia. This condition, he went on to say,` is so painful that people would kill themselves vs dealing with the pain. "Great," I thought. I went to the American Association of Neurological Surgeons and he was right. TN was described there as perhaps "the most excruciating pain known to humanity." Soon after this discovery my liver started reacting to all the Tegretol meds so an MRI was scheduled.
In 2 minutes the atmosphere went from jokes and pleasant exchanges to dead silence. They would not tell me but I knew the MRI news was bad. Within an hour my neurologist called. You have a large AVM and I need to see you right away.
My AVM was placing pressure on my trigeminal nerve which was radiating pain into my jaw. It was large and was located in my brain stem which is a very dangerous place to be with sharp objects.
For those who may be interested I have inserted a 3min. AVM Video which provides an excellent overview of what I went through. The neurosurgeon I used was attached to Mass General and he was hopeful. "85% of the time these surgeries go well with almost no perceptible signs of damage," he said. I really had no choice as the pain was often debilitating.
Before they could operate I would need four embolization's. During this procedure a catheter was inserted in my thigh and threaded into my brain and into the AVM where a form of superglue was injected to control future bleeding.
Each one of these procedures carries the risk of disability and death, I had four. I suffered a small stroke following the second one. After some recovery time, I had two more and was shipped off to Mass General to undergo 8 1/2 hours of brain surgery.
Waking up was just awful. All sounds echoed like low-pitch groans, like listening to a record at way too slow a speed. My own speech production was no exception, further I had no volume just this ghostly whisper. My gag reflex was also damaged and I could not swallow thin liquids without choking. My double vision was so bad they did not allow me out of bed. I could not see, walk or talk. I had difficulty swallowing and my thinking was scrambled. Clearly I was part of the 15%. No success story here. As soon as I was stable I was sent back to Vermont to start rehab.
Here I was diagnosed with a severe head injury
Most of what I went into rehab with, I came home with. There were no outpatient cognitive therapy services for brain injured people that I was aware of at that time. I desperately wanted to enhance my cognition and it was now clear that whatever cognitive gains I would make would be not coming from the medical profession. Now brain gyms and neural workouts are commonplace.
Back then there was virtually nothing. I bought a small collection of brain repair books including several that talked about neuroplasticity and the brain's ability to repair itself. I discovered that one could even steer one's own cognitive rehabilitation. It was called self-directed neuroplasticity.
I flew to Florida and scheduled HBOT (hyperbaric oxygen therapy) sessions. It was there that I began experiencing pain again and flew home. This progressed to severe lower back pain. Back pain? What is this? Off to the hospital I went to receive another MRI. Now what? I said to myself and ... `OMG.
An aneurysm clip had popped loose from my brain surgery. It had entered the cerebral fluid in my spine and had traversed the entire length of my spine without incidence until now. One clip was still in my head and the other was now in the base of my spine. My surgeon said he would remove it for free. Although this clearly was malpractice my lawyer was reluctant to pursue things and I had no money to pay for litigation. I let it go and two weeks of rest seemed to resolve this matter which, except for an occasional flare up, almost never is a serious bother. The clip still sits there to this day.
So I went back to my studies. I founded the Brain Injury Association of Vermont, and was its director for two years, I developed the Brain Sense Guide. I was approached to do a low end film about my life called Awakening in 2008 which can be seen on my channel.
Further during this time frame (2002?) I was diagnosed with cancer and had to endure four more surgeries to ward off this invasion. I refused the Chemo and these surgeries have left me with IBS but "knock on wood" I have been basically healthy ever sense.
Following my BIA experience, I founded the Awareness Initiative and for the next 12 years produced videos, websites and articles. I taught myself how to do video editing and produced my first work "deceptions". It can still be viewed on Documentary Heaven. I also produced a 5min clip on Obama lies called the "King of Deceptions", 12 years ago. It had 45K views. My YouTube Channel is a repository to over 77 videos composed by a severely brain injured man who has manifested into a whole lot more.
I am living proof that the power of belief can transform one's life. I am true testament to everything these folks (Joe Dispenza, Bruce Lipton. Lynn McTaggert and more) are claiming. I went from being semi institutional to highly functional. We live in a world of pure potentiality and I am living proof that the very dark forces of a severe head injury could be reversed and overcome. Awareness, intention and beliefs can manifest new outcomes, new realities. I was living proof of that.
Before they could operate I would need four embolization's. During this procedure a catheter was inserted in my thigh and threaded into my brain and into the AVM where a form of superglue was injected to control future bleeding.
Each one of these procedures carries the risk of disability and death, I had four. I suffered a small stroke following the second one. After some recovery time, I had two more and was shipped off to Mass General to undergo 8 1/2 hours of brain surgery.
Waking up was just awful. All sounds echoed like low-pitch groans, like listening to a record at way too slow a speed. My own speech production was no exception, further I had no volume just this ghostly whisper. My gag reflex was also damaged and I could not swallow thin liquids without choking. My double vision was so bad they did not allow me out of bed. I could not see, walk or talk. I had difficulty swallowing and my thinking was scrambled. Clearly I was part of the 15%. No success story here. As soon as I was stable I was sent back to Vermont to start rehab.
Here I was diagnosed with a severe head injury
- I could not walk without a cane, as my balance was horrible, I had very limited speech ability. I was very hard to understand and was very softspoken. I could not swallow thin liquids without choking, my left hand shook, my double vision was so bad I needed an eye patch to walk. I remember having mental difficulty balancing one check in my checkbook.
- Although some things had improved after 4- 6 weeks of rehab I was not getting appreciably better so I was discharged with a provision that I would continue receiving outpatient speech therapy services.
Most of what I went into rehab with, I came home with. There were no outpatient cognitive therapy services for brain injured people that I was aware of at that time. I desperately wanted to enhance my cognition and it was now clear that whatever cognitive gains I would make would be not coming from the medical profession. Now brain gyms and neural workouts are commonplace.
Back then there was virtually nothing. I bought a small collection of brain repair books including several that talked about neuroplasticity and the brain's ability to repair itself. I discovered that one could even steer one's own cognitive rehabilitation. It was called self-directed neuroplasticity.
I flew to Florida and scheduled HBOT (hyperbaric oxygen therapy) sessions. It was there that I began experiencing pain again and flew home. This progressed to severe lower back pain. Back pain? What is this? Off to the hospital I went to receive another MRI. Now what? I said to myself and ... `OMG.
An aneurysm clip had popped loose from my brain surgery. It had entered the cerebral fluid in my spine and had traversed the entire length of my spine without incidence until now. One clip was still in my head and the other was now in the base of my spine. My surgeon said he would remove it for free. Although this clearly was malpractice my lawyer was reluctant to pursue things and I had no money to pay for litigation. I let it go and two weeks of rest seemed to resolve this matter which, except for an occasional flare up, almost never is a serious bother. The clip still sits there to this day.
So I went back to my studies. I founded the Brain Injury Association of Vermont, and was its director for two years, I developed the Brain Sense Guide. I was approached to do a low end film about my life called Awakening in 2008 which can be seen on my channel.
Further during this time frame (2002?) I was diagnosed with cancer and had to endure four more surgeries to ward off this invasion. I refused the Chemo and these surgeries have left me with IBS but "knock on wood" I have been basically healthy ever sense.
Following my BIA experience, I founded the Awareness Initiative and for the next 12 years produced videos, websites and articles. I taught myself how to do video editing and produced my first work "deceptions". It can still be viewed on Documentary Heaven. I also produced a 5min clip on Obama lies called the "King of Deceptions", 12 years ago. It had 45K views. My YouTube Channel is a repository to over 77 videos composed by a severely brain injured man who has manifested into a whole lot more.
I am living proof that the power of belief can transform one's life. I am true testament to everything these folks (Joe Dispenza, Bruce Lipton. Lynn McTaggert and more) are claiming. I went from being semi institutional to highly functional. We live in a world of pure potentiality and I am living proof that the very dark forces of a severe head injury could be reversed and overcome. Awareness, intention and beliefs can manifest new outcomes, new realities. I was living proof of that.
Now you all must become more. You are in the cave and the canary is dying. This death cult has been voraciously feeding off our life force energy, our freedoms, and our children's lives while poisoning the air we breath, the water we drink, our soil and the food we eat ---- for decades. We have been so well programmed by media and their dark friends that we now walk willingly into our cells. We are becoming unwitting slaves being taught to turn away from our souls and our divinity, to destroy our environment
and to accept amorality and depravity in government.
and to accept amorality and depravity in government.
IMO until we take personal responsibility and awaken to a world that we have enabled, faceless tyrants with no compassion, no souls and no sense of God will continue to "dumb us down", kill us, control us, rule us, enslave us and torture our children.
PS: I hope this resonates for some of you and you can feel it. For those, The Barn will be a safe house, a sanctuary for motivated people to come together in love and friendship, to learn about emerging energies and to embrace their shadow selves by becoming informed beacons of light.
Box 86 - 6818 Rte. 4
Bridgewater VT 05034
Explore becoming a member today
at bbmember2023@gmail.com
or by calling 802 279 7508
Bridgewater VT 05034
Explore becoming a member today
at bbmember2023@gmail.com
or by calling 802 279 7508